Grief Healing

Of that which is transient and subject to suffering and change, one cannot rightly say: `This belongs to me; this am I; this is my Self'.

The Buddha

The Nature of Grief

This page was never planned when we originally thought of the healing network as a web site.  In common with the rest of the site, it appears to have ‘just evolved’ out of the general atmosphere and aims of the site itself.

I suppose it was the connection with a friend Lynda, and her memorial page for her brother Steven that first put the idea in my mind.  And the fact that through the 20 years or more that I have worked as a consultant clairvoyant, and counsellor.  I would say that almost a third of the people that have consulted me in the past years, have been in a profound state of grief, whether this was grief for a loved one who had passed over, or for the painful ending of a relationship.  And really there is very little difference between the two I have discovered, and the effect that they have both physically and mentally and spiritually. 

We tend to think of grief as a stage we have to go through when we lose someone precious to us.  It is in fact much more than that, it affects us to the very deepest levels of our being, and can make it, in some cases, almost impossible for us to function in a normal way for a considerable length of time.

I would prefer to class grief as an illness, and like most illnesses it has its beginning its middle and its ending, and each stage of that illness is different.  If you were to visit a grief counsellor, they would take you through the stages, and give you an approximate time scale as to how and when you may begin to feel differently about things, and what those differences would be.  Personally whilst I agree with this, I do not believe that a time can be put on grief, except the time that we allowed to it ourselves.  For some people it can be a matter of a year, or two years, for others it can almost be a lifetime.

One thing I believe to be certain, no matter how we recover from the loss of a loved one, we are never quite the same person again!

To bring healing to any part of the body or the mind, we must first understand what it is that is making it unhappy, or ill.  If we see grief in a similar light, and gain some sort of understanding of why we feel how we do, then we can begin to this least learn to function with it instead of in spite of it.

One thing that I found very useful, and perhaps useful is a gross understatement, I would rather say lifesaving, at a time of profound grief, was to actually go with the grief, and almost structure it into my day.

Instead of trying to keep a brave face, and deny the overwhelming urge to burst into tears at inappropriate times!  (Which we all do in deep and painful grief,) I spent a little time each morning, surrounding myself with all the bits and pieces that were important to the people that I had lost (my Mother and Father) in a place that I'd set aside in a bedroom, and had also added fresh flowers, incense, and all the little things that we find and keep that are pretty.  And in this safe and healing environment, I would then allow myself to think the thoughts that I knew would bring the unstoppable tears, the tears that leave you wretched and exhausted!

As time went on, I built into this grieving time, a time limit.  As first for a couple of hours, where after my grief and tears were exhausted, I could rest and recover and build up my energy once again.  And, eventually, 15 minutes.  Where recovery time was quicker, and when I stepped out of the room (which I called my healing room,) I stepped out of that time and that space, and into everyday life again.

This is something that I discovered from myself, that helped me enormously during a terrible time.  But for you it might be different, what I'm trying to say here is, that for each of us there is a way of coping, and hopefully limiting the effect that this sort of deep grieving can have on us.

I believe that the most important thing is to be good to ourselves during this time.  We are at our most weak and vulnerable when grieving, and prone to make decisions that maybe in other circumstances, we would never have made.

Good friends are invaluable at this time, and a true friend will have the courage and confidence to bring to your attention situations that might ultimately cause you distress.

When immersed in grief, it is often impossible to make rational decisions.  Sometimes we need to wait for the grief to lessen its hold on us, before we can really reconnect with our world through our tears, and see our path clearly.

Sometimes it is difficult enough in this situation, simply managing from day-to-day, without having to initiate changes or make decisions.  And so if they can be avoided, shelved even for a little while, this is often the most sensible course to take.

I cannot stress enough, the necessity for taking care of yourself when in this situation.  Almost to the point of standing outside yourself, and seeing what it is that this poor grieving person that is you, needs, and cosseting them for a while.

All things end.  Whether we like it or not, how we feel changes as time goes on.  It is often said that “time is a great healer,” but I know from personal experience that this is not comforting at all, when you're in the deepest depths of grief!  Nevertheless, it is so.  And although you may never be the same person that you once were again, your life will go on, along the path that has been mapped out for it.  And there will be joys of a different sort, and all that you have loved of the person who is gone, will live in your heart, and will bring you comfort in future days.

Crystal X

They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,

Love and desire and hate:

I think they have no portion in us after

We pass the gate.

They are not long, the days of wine and roses:

Out of a misty dream

Our path emerges for a while, then closes

Within a dream.

THOUGHTS ON AN AFTERLIFE.

What's the worst possible thing about losing a loved one?  Apart from the loss of companionship, and probably for the first time for many years been on your own. Probably the worst thing for most people who have experienced this is the ‘not knowing’ where the beloved has gone too, and if there is indeed an afterlife to go to at all?

There is now a vast body of evidence, gained through regression therapy, and through deep meditation experiences, to convince us finally that yes, there is an afterlife.  People who have been taken back through this lifetime, and through death into a previous lifetime, by regression ex perts, have given almost identical accounts of where they were between one lifetime and another, the structure of the place they were in, and the people that they encountered, for us to be left with many doubts about the existence of an afterlife of some sort.

From the many thousands of accounts that have been gathered, it appears that the same theme runs through them all.  When we pass over, after being greeted by friends and loved ones, we appear to go through a time of healing and reassessing the recent life we have just experienced.  And after this period of time, it is thought that we then reconnect with our spirit group, in the place that is our original home.

It appears that we have family groups in the afterlife, in much the same way as we do in this life.  And that many of the people that we encounter in this life, are part of our spirit team so to speak in the afterlife.  Many of the soul mates that we have in this life, are part of our close-knit family as spiritual beings, and this is why we have lived through successive incarnations with the same people over and over again.

If you focus on how you felt when you first met the person closest to you, your soul mate.  Think about how you felt, usually we feel as if we have known this person already, even if we'd never set eyes on them before.  There is an instant feeling of connectedness, and a deep knowing, although how can this be so?  We have only just met this person!

When you get this connection with someone for the first time, it means that this person is part of your spirit group, and that yes indeed you do know them very well, but not in this lifetime!

When we become incarnate in a new lifetime, we undertake to forget our connections to our spirit home, and our spirit family, to enable us to work through this lifetime effectively, and to learn the lessons that we need to learn.  But on some level, we still feel that instant knowing, and recognition of our soul mates when we meet them for the first time.

Contrary to popular belief, not all our soul mates are about close sexual relationships.  We each have many soul mates, it is thought that each spirit group extends from the close family group of about 15 to 20 souls to the extended group of anything up to 50.  So it would be highly unlikely if we were not to encounter some soul mates during our sojourn in this lifetime!  And it has been noted, that some of the people who cause us the most pain in this lifetime, can also be very close soul mates.  And although this probably will feel dreadful in this lifetime, it is thought that is before we incarnate, we take out a contract so to speak with our nearest and dearest in spirit world, as to who will act out which parts in this lifetime.  And although we may cause each other incredible pain during our lives, when we returned to our spirit home, we reassess the work that is being done, and we understand the part our soul mates choose to take in our learning experience, no matter how painful at the time...

If you take this to its logical conclusion, we can see that each of our successive lifetimes, is simply a play, a journey that we undertake to learn the lessons that we need to learn to move onwards spiritually.  And that when we leave our bodies behind, (when we pass over) we are then moving into our real and immortal life. 

The native American Indians had a wonderful phrase for dying, they speak of it as “ dropping your robes” and we indeed can think of our physical bodies, as simply robes or clothes that we are wearing during this lifetime's ‘play’.

I would recommend anyone who has recently lost a loved one, and who is going through the uncertainties and trauma that we all experience at this time in our lifes, to obtain two books called 'Journey of Souls', Case Studies of Life Between Lives.  and  'Destiny of Souls': New Case Studies of Life Between Lives both by Michael Newton PhD. and available from www.amazon.co.uk
Clear and concisely written accounts of many instances of life between life experiences, related by people under deep hypnosis during regression therapy.

These books will radically change your way of thinking about death, and will give you confidence in the continuing existence of your loved ones!

Blessings! Crystal X

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